THE FUNK WARS (1984 B.C.)
FUNKADELIC "IN FUNK WE TRUST" – ONE NATION UNDER A GROOVE (Rhythm & Business) –
Funkadelic By Law No.19
"It is better to open your eyes and say you don't understand…than to close your eyes and say you don't believe…" (O.J. Rodney, chi-78)
THE FUNK WARS (1984 B.C.)
(ONCE UPON A TIME… in a faraway parallel universe, existed a intergalactic humbug between the forces of GOOD and EVILE' and on Planet Splurge, FUNK become the FORCE to alter the cosmos beyond the limits of time and dimension!)
JASPER SPATIC was finished with his new weapon, and the outcome of the negafunkatic FUNK WARS would hinge on its power. His Throb Gun would be used against the evilous BARFT VADA, the ruthless fuzzident of the enslaving MEDULLA OBLUNGATA DOODOOS. Armed with stinkafyng Dookie Sticks Blight Sabers, the DooDoos kept the population of several planets under their rule. Now – Jasper prepared to unite with his Funkadelican dooDoo Chasers; he could not risk being ambushed by a Dookie Squad and being fried by their seething volleys of pissgun rays…
SPATIC stepped into the streets, his creation carefully hidden. He shuddered as he scoped everyoneunder DooDoo Syndrome. Vada's massive program of mind control had constipated the masses…their minds were being zero'd out by constipated notions. Electric crinkloidism and advertising propaganda combined with drugnotics (woo drinks, devil dust, Ps' & Poos, Deludes and profile pills)…the unaware Splurgians were rapidly losing their funkativity!
But Jasper Spatic and his fellow DooDoo Chasers were impervious to the D.D.S. and through the Funkadelican scruples of 'Prune Juice of the Mind'…would the people be refunked into toppling Barft Vada's Empire. The DoDoo Chasers would strike at the first D' Voidofunk Disco, where BARFT VADA was sure to be present. (Vada's disco ban of '82, enacted to prevent the now-illegal music of FUNKADELICA from deprogramming the population – gave his DooDoo scientists to perfect a diszak system to mantain mental constipation.) Agents from S.I.A. (Sick Intelligence Agency) and Dookie Squads within the disco were unawareof the DooDoo Chasers who had merged into the crowds. They awaited for the first notes of diszak for the cue-vamp. Jasper glanced at a co-patriot, heliotart Pussooka Goodee and secretly flashed the 'P' for their uniting motto: "Give us funkativity or give us death!"
The noxious Barft entered Disco Control and the defunkatizing drone of diszak filled the blaflammic discosphere. Jasper whipped out his Throb Gun and the vampin' spat shattered the diszak booth. Other funkateers zapped the Dookie Squads with funkguns, and seized a strategic location to circuit-override the sound system and the neoburpic diszak sounds retrofired into funkastomping octave throbs! "No compute, no compute!" shrieks the smoking headsets of the blastified dooDoos…without Vada's commanding audio-stench, they were nullified. Barft vada fled to his everready pimpajet and scamped into the dark void as the masses were 'P'ed from their cerebral nods into revolt. The DooDoo Chasers had overfunked the system into collapse!
Planet Splurge had soon become ONE NATION UNDER A GROOVE and the forces of Funkadelica prevailed. As the happy populations of other planets rejoiced with their liberation…Jasper and Pussooka were crashatated at their crazoid crib, sooted by the Clintonic sonic waves of the spankatron box…but even the spekled sugarness of Pussooka swoop n' cup curvables did not remove Jasper's new fear: would Vada return with more Constipated Notions? Worse yet, would the Dookie-Sticked defunkulator ambush some othr galaxy and enslave yet another population? Before slipperous and bubbly waves of strokativity funked him from his mental station-I.D….Jasper pondered the thought of what would happen the next time…when a planet's mentor would warn citizens of Barft Vada's presence with: THINK! IT AIN'T ILLEGAL YET!-Would they wake up in time?
dall' lp: funkadelic "one nation under a groove" 1978